Ruti Mizrachi – an Eshet Chayil with over 30 years of experience and clearly the wisdom handed down by generations – shares generations of advice on her blog post suggesting 10 simple steps on how to stay married. She humbly titles it; “How to become and stay happily married for (at least) thirty years in ten not-so-easy steps”. She may not account for some who do not want to be married forever, although one would suggest that’s a different problem that usually originates from those whose parents were not married (and just because you turned out OK, does not make that right).
Her advice is couched in the example of a close friend she has who is caught in the marriage rut, where her and her spouse have fallen for the typical traps when one takes each other for granted. We are all taught to guard against this and we often need the reminder… I found it’s more than a reminder when you pass the four important things she advises you do NOT do, before she gets to the ten which are the positive versions of what to do.
I love this advice – in its simplest form:
- Live mindfully.
- Make your spouse’s happiness paramount.
- Remember that you are married to your best friend.
- Surprise your partner.
- Compromise on the big stuff, and the small stuff.
- Trust the person you married to be at least as smart and good a person as you are.
- Never, ever make fun of each other in public.
- Never let your children come between you.
- Treat each other’s important people with respect.
- Help each other to realize your independent dreams.
I have no doubt that this is the recipe, each one of us will struggle with different elements of this advice… that’s normal. Stick to the recipe and you’re set for life and beyond!